Why is it that right before you go to bed, your brain kicks into overdrive? If you're male you have no idea what I'm talking about do you? You use sleep as a way to turn your brain off. If you're female, you are already sighing, dreading the pre-bedtime ritual that will maybe help you to stop thinking so you can fall asleep.
Tonight my body said it was time for bed, but my brain was processing....processing.....aha! It was a moment of clarity that all of sudden shook me. My purpose. My what and why and how and, everything.
Last week I just sort of chilled out. No to-do lists, no real plan. It was heavenly actually. Given the chance to really focus on some things, the ideas just flew, the words just came, the peace & joy just found me. I was able to process through some things that I've been working on deciphering for years.
I was blessed a few years back to have had a wonderful mentor who provided me with some tremendous opportunities to learn to be an effective leader & helped me grow into who I am. Conversations, situations, lessons, all came rushing back to me last week. I discovered I did indeed know who I was and what I was uniquely created to do.
Yesterday I read a quote that said, "God didn't give you what you wanted when you wanted it, because if He had, you would have killed it." Wowsers, that is a powerful statement. If I am honest, that quote fits me perfectly. I once had a grand vision. It never materialized. I was confused as to why God would do such a thing? Why give someone a clear picture, then bolt the window and close the curtains? I eventually let it go and assumed that God had a very different plan in mind.
Just tonight, as I was getting ready for bed I was struck with this thought, "for such a time as this". I find myself in a unique position with the opportunity to be completely and fully who I am and potentially fulfill what has been a long held dream.
Purpose - mine, for such a time as this. The pieces all fit tonight, as though life is just a giant puzzle and I had a few pieces backward. Maybe I was trying to force them to fit? Maybe they looked so close I thought they fit? Overall, it looked okay. But now, it is beautiful and fits so perfectly in every way.
I know who I am, what I was created to do, and have a very clear vision of how to do it. It required ALL the years of life lessons. Each moment God was bending and shaping and growing and healing and moving me. If God would have allowed me to move into my dream then, I would have killed it. It wouldn't have been intentional. In fact, I know I would've worked my tail off to make it work. But it still would've died. Other peoples dreams would have died also.
Since it didn't work then, because I wasn't who I am now, I made new friends, I went new places, I had new experiences, I connected people to people. I learned things I needed to know. I helped other people find their dreams, encouraged them to discover who they were. It's silly, but until tonight, I never even saw that that was what was happening.
I am so in awe at the moment of what I see God doing. If I don't wake up tomorrow, I will still have at least lived this moment being fully who I am and devoted to the plan God has and what my purpose really is. I believe whole-heartedly though that I will wake up tomorrow and God will bring my dream and vision to it's reality in the future. I will fulfill my purpose.