Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Tough Stuff

When I started this blog, it was a way for me to stay accountable in my journey and create a 'forever' copy of some of my thoughts. Once online, always online....oh be careful little fingers what you type, photographer, and post!

Since I have no aspirations of developing a large following, I suppose it wasn't a great form of accountability. I have no desire to publish a book, so I wasn't particularly worried about maintaining a presence, or gathering enough info to put into book form. I would miss days, weeks, months, goodness whole sections of life. I could say it was circumstances, or I could say I forgot, or I could say it wasn't the priority at the time.

Reality says though that during the tough spots of life, I just didn't want to have to put anything out there for anyone to see or read. Plus, a computer at the pool is a disaster waiting to happen!

Since my official 2013 began in February, I find myself having some time for rest, work, play, God, creativity, cleaning, laundry, friends. I had forgotten how delightful it was to take a break, have some tea (I know not coffee, surprised right?), read a good book, do some journaling, find some respite from chaos.

I have also found though that there has been a different form of tough stuff. See, I started my year believing one thing, focused on one thing, determined to succeed in one area. I had a few set-backs, but overall thought I knew where I was going. Now, only 2 months in (well really just 1), I find myself thinking that maybe I should switch up my focus. Maybe I'm actually on a totally different road than I thought I was.

So what do you do with that tough stuff? What do you do when you discover that the road your on is the correct one, but it's name is not what you thought, and it's not going to take you where you thought you were going? What do you do when you find yourself in a place that seems so foreign, yet amazingly feels like home?

This is the truly tough stuff of life I think. The times where you are discovering the journey looks so different. So here's what I determined to do. Instead of rushing out and discovering a map of THIS journey, just in case, I'm going to just follow the road. I'm going to exercise faith. I'm going to not worry, not spend 100 hours a week working to reach what's ahead. I'm just going to WALK.

I've had some great time to spend with God. So I've been reading my Bible with a different perspective. I've been re-reading some great books on christian growth, spiritual development, warfare, the person of God, Godly leadership styles, etc...

I've exhausted almost a whole journal already with all I've been writing. I haven't kept up with the vacuuming...it'll be there when I'm done. I've gone from devotions, to my office, to the laundry room, to the dinner table, to the office, to time with God before bed. I find myself devouring His words, rekindling my deepest desires and joy, and identifying my truest self. I find myself growing into a healthier, happier person, feeling so free from the weight of plans.

This is the tough stuff of life....but I'm not sure I would want it to look any different.


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