Monday, April 11, 2016

The Chat

I suppose I should begin by sharing that I misspelled the word 'chat'. It should actually be spelled 'spat'. I should also begin with this disclaimer: “All persons represented in this post, DO resemble the living. BUT, only because no one died as a result of The Chat.”

If you are a wife, you will laugh. If you are a husband, you should stop reading. If you are MY husband, you will hear this when I read it to you tonight. 

Let me set the stage for you. It’s a cold, wintry, blustery kind of day. The Wife, busy homeschooling, doing dishes, pretending to do laundry, work, blog, craft, and think of something for dinner, is in a state of what we will call ‘normal’. The Husband is on his way home. Everyone, teen included, is in a perfectly ‘normal’ mood. Fairly even keel really, considering there are TWO females in this picture, one of whom is a TEEN FEMALE. ‘Nuff said there.

Husband comes home, gives presents to the Wife, who does her happy dance. The Husband has brought amazing presents, and they didn’t cost anything. These my friend are the greatest presents, as he has managed to know her well enough to know what things cause happy dances to spontaneously occur AND has managed to secure said items for $0 which everyone knows are the BEST! (I should probably include a note here, just in case – he was given said items with permission, as the owner did not want them. He did not secure items unethically.)

It does not appear any reason exists for a chat, spat, or negativity. AND then, in what can only be described as a loss of sense (possibly someone got hit in the head?), the husband, who was just lauded with praises and singing and dancing…. opens his mouth and speaks, proving that he obviously DOES NOT know his wife very well after all.

It is at this point the teenager heads for the hills, as she is a FEMALE, and heard words come from the mouth of the MALE. It is also at this point the FEMALE wife gives a swift, clear, out loud with words, warning statement to the husband to STOP speaking words out loud. Said husband, unwisely (again, probably due to a blow to the head earlier in the day) chooses to continue to use words, out loud, so others can hear them. He also unwisely ignores the look on said wife’s face.

Let me pause for just a moment, and share that the wife was CLEAR with her words. She did not employ the clever female trick of ‘guess what I just said, using words other than what I meant’. Obviously then, said husband SHOULD have appreciated the effort to clearly state the warning and responded in kind, and follow direction.

Here is where we insert the ‘chat’. If you are a female, and a wife, you began shaking your head as soon as you read ‘opens his mouth.’ If you are a male, and a husband, you read ‘ignored the warning’ and yelled at the screen ‘RUN’! If you are not married, you are confused. Let me urge you to discontinue reading, as married people everywhere would like thoughts of marriage utopia & happily ever after to continue on for you.

I will not bore you with the details, because if you are married, male or female, you have experience in this area already and know that the details are not important. The key things are: He did not heed the warning, and it did not go well.

At the end of this discussion (yes, I am going to call it a discussion, think what you will), while the husband is having alone time in his recliner, and the wife is sitting somewhere else in the house, the teenager is busily filling a bowl with ice cream, knowing full well no one will comment on the lack of nutrition, or the questionable decision to eat it without hot fudge.

What I find amusing in all of this, is how different the husband and wife move on in life. The husband will be unhappy with the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD and EVERYONE who lives in it and EVERYTHING that happens, for days, while the wife will remain unhappy with ONLY the husband. My husband does not find this amusing; he finds it annoying. Go figure.

I share because I find it comical, it was resolved, and the real world goes on. Too many people pretend that they have an idyllic relationship in which no one is ever unhappy with anyone else. ALL my married friends have moments of unrest in their relationships. Some big, some small, some major, some minor, some silly to me, while mine look silly to them. 

I automatically distrust couples who claim they never argue or disagree. Call a spade a spade here people, because you do no one any favors by pretending you are the 'perfect' couple. You may not argue, but some of you actually have some pretty scary & unhealthy ways of coping with your unrest or disagreements. You actually do more harm than good, because your conflict resolution skills do not exist, and you are setting others up for failure. And quiet honestly, no one really believes you anyway. No one is perfect, therefore a perfect marriage can not exist. I often wonder what will happen to those couples when the proverbial brown stuff hits the whirring ceiling fan? 

I have many friends whose marriages I would love to emulate. Guess what? They also have spats, conflicts, disagreements. It's how they choose to resolve it that makes their marriage so super. One of the greatest examples I have ever seen, super cool couple, adore them both. They have disagreed many times over the years, but they always work together to find a solution - even after a chat/spat/discussion. They love each other a ton, and we can all see it!

It is how you handle conflict, resolve, learn from, and grow through it, that matters. Learning to co-exist with another human, different from yourself, can be a beautiful gift. This same person will also laugh with you & at you, comfort you when you’re sad, hold your hand when you’re scared, believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself, and so much more.

I wouldn’t trade my real life for the fake idyllic ever! Alice and Dorothy both learned the same thing – there’s no place like home!

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